These pills didn't make my life better, they ruined it.

Sexuality has meant more to me than it has to most, actually all, of the people around me. With one ex-girlfriend I had sex between two and twelve times a day. This was not only at the beginning of the relationship, but throughout the entire relationship. No matter which woman I had sex with in the past, I never had any erectile dysfunction, numbness or loss of libido.


Due to my disability (Asperger's syndrome) I had/have problems with social situations. Therefore, I also had problems with flirting/sexual contact situations. Due to my strong sex drive at that time and the low number of sexual experiences, I became depressed and I sought help from psychologists. Instead of necessary social training to learn the skills required in flirting, I was simply stuffed with medication. My efforts thereafter to be understood and to communicate that I needed therapy rather than just medication were often tersely denied, so I must have tried 10 different antidepressants in the course of my life, many of which I discontinued after a short time because of the sexual and other side effects.


I was quite successful in my studies. I was able to finish my engineering degree with an average of 1.4 (A) as one of the most successful graduates. After my colloquium, the professor told me that he was sure I would get such good grades in my master's program as well. After the relationship with my then-girlfriend ended, I slipped back into depression due to unfulfilled sexuality. I sought help at a clinic that specialized in dealing with autism.


"However, there I was again offered a therapy that made no sense for my problems, which consisted of face puzzles, mindfulness exercises and of course more medication."


So in November 2018 I took my first dose of Trazodone and a short time later Abilify in parallel. While taking the medications, known side effects appeared to a moderate extent (as I was used to from previous occasions taking antidepressants). After some time, I began to experience an anxiety disorder, whereupon on the advice of the doctor, Abilify was discontinued at the beginning of January 2019. At my request, I began to taper off Trazodone about 2 to 3 weeks later.


"After a short time, I noticed massive erectile dysfunction."


In a weekly self-report questionnaire, shortly before stopping Trazodone, I still marked "Question 21 - Loss of sexual interest" with "0 My interest in sexuality has not changed recently." A few days after stopping Trazodone, I marked the same question as follows: "Question 21 Loss of sexual interest" with 3 "I have completely lost interest in sexuality".


I would also tick this answer in the weeks that followed and to this day. On one day, which was shortly after I stopped taking Trazodone, I tried to have sex and was unable to achieve even a stirring of my penis.


"It was as if all sexual stimuli just filtered away."


Before PSSD, all I had to do was walk through the pedestrian zone and strain not to get an erection when a pretty woman with tight pants walked past me. In the following weeks more and more symptoms of PSSD (partly also of serotonin depletion syndrome) appeared. Night sweats, headaches (even while taking trazodone), concentration problems, perceived decrease in intelligence, impaired consciousness, impaired perception, etc.


These symptoms continue to this day. They are so unbearable that I had to stop my master's studies. I now work as an engineer, but am very worried about losing my job because I can no longer manage the simplest things (the simplest subtraction tasks such as 103-7). I had a desire to do a PhD before PSSD and was one of the top students in my class. A professor friend of mine recommended that I do a PhD several times because she considered me to be technically and personally competent. In my current situation, however, I would not even be able to complete a bachelor's degree. I am currently trying to somehow get through the day and endure my severe headaches. I am trying to deliver as good/sufficient work as possible and hope to get through my probationary period, otherwise I am threatened with financial ruin due to no longer being able to repay a student loan and Bafög.



These tablets have not made my life better, they have ruined it. I hope that in the future a cure for PSSD will be found and we will all get help as soon as possible.